Sunday, March 22, 2009

Type Gate '09

So the ball is in my court. The girlfriend has served up her "Top Guys" list and maintains that she has no "type" of guy she prefers. This becomes quite the back-and-forth, I claim she's all about rail-thin, musically-inclined punk rockers and she quickly refutes that I'm all about tall, blond with boobs-and-a-tan girls (my awkwardly-intense obsession with Marisa Miller probably doesn't help.)

Why is this an issue? Well, it's not so much and issue as it is humorous. Utilizing your eyes, one can see that neither Ky nor I resemble the others alleged type.

is a beautiful brunette with no ambition to go blond (and stay that way, please! :)

Me? Well the last time I had long hair, it was parted down the middle as I rocked a Stussy shirt with stonewashed jeans. And I was 12. Rocker fail.

I'm musically inclined if you count playing the recorder for one month in 4th grade. And I sucked at it. Musically inclined fail.

Let's settle this with some good old pictures, names and summaries you won't read. Any order prior to the last two is purely coincidental:

Tamara Brown: Bare with me on this one as she's a bit of a rising star. Anyone familiar with the heavy dose of Carl's Jr. ads run on ESPN knows this girl. Tamara happens to be the only tolerable thing about the Carl's Jr. commercial toting the "steak sandwich" (which happens to look like what you get when you mix LSD, Denny's and onion rings). But alas, Tamara and her blue dress make me forget all about that nasty contraption of pending heart attack. Unfortunately for me, this blond falls right into Ky's argument.
Ky: 1
Me: 0

Cheryl Cole: I'm hopping the pond for this next lady, Ms. Cheryl Cole. Cole is among the growing lineup of gorgeous WAG's from Europe (while I'm blanking on the technical term for WAG, it seems to mean gorgeous woman dating heinous soccer star - save that Becks fellow). I have no idea what she does for a living but something tells me it has to do with looking good and being seen. Easy to do with looks like this. Brunette takes the cake on this one.

Ky: 1
Me: 1

(Ed note: It seems this lovely lady closely resembles another beauty on this list...number one, anybody?)

Rachel Taylor: Most of you will find this pick to be a stretch on my part, but female Australian accents have a way of sealing the deal. You can find Rachel Taylor in Transformers playing the part of a computer "expert". Trust me, if experts looked half this good, I'd call the Geek Squad anytime my freaking toaster broke. Only in Michael Bay's Hollywood, people. The man has an eye (and a tad bit of leverage). Back to blond though, Ky takes the lead back.

Ky: 2
Me: 1

Megan Fox: The trendiest pick on my list, Ms. Fox seems to be the new Jessica Alba. Not to take anything away from either, but every year or two Hollywood spits out the new "it" girl. Not Britney "pyscoidiot" Spears or Lindsay "hotwithissues" Lohan, but rather a girl that no one can get enough of. Maxim, GQ, TMZ, Megan Fox has been ripping away headlines since the release of Transformers and I see why. A brunette with light eyes is hard to beat. I don't think she'll be off the Hollywood It radar for at least a couple more shitty movies. And back on the board for me.

Ky: 2

Me: 2

Marisa Miller: *Sighs*. That's pretty much all I've got on this one. She is to me what Brandon Boyd is to Kylie - number two and not moving. As nice as it is to see Marisa with the much-deserved attention of the SI Swimsuit cover, endorsements, Maxim #1 etc, I'm a bit sad to see her leave the shadows of Gisele, Lima and Ambrosio. Seems like for years I was asking about "that one dirty-blond" VS model. Well, take one incredible picture wearing nothing but an...iPod, and that's what happens. One quick side note for entertainment's sake - Marisa is married to Griffin Guess (which is an old Indian name for Lucky F*ck). Just so happens that Griffin was sitting next to Marisa's mom on an airplane once. He gets up to go the restroom, and while there, Mom Miller switches seats with Daughter of Superior Hotness, telling her she should talk to this cute guy she was sitting next to. So Guess comes back from the restroom and nice old lady has turned into the image to your left. What a trade off! Enter the world's most uncomfortable bathroom and emerge only to meet and marry the world's number one super model? Give me a freaking break! But she does hit just about every one of Ky's proposed stereotypes, so I lose two on this one.

Ky: 4

Me: 2

Kylie Gordon: Save the best for last, without a doubt. First, I have to give her credit for pointing out some previous dating tendencies of mine. Yes, I may have gravitated towards blonds (pure coincidence), but this wonderfully-beautiful girlfriend of mine trumps them all. She's my ace-in-the-hole. A brunette that puts the "b" in hot (makes no sense, I know.) And even though she gets sick of my compliments (most likely due to their repetitive and unoriginal nature), I'm not letting her get off without a fight - she needs to freaking model. I'm proud to say she's mine, which is obvious by the large head shot that remains permanently plastered on my iPhone backdrop. Love you, gf, and you're worth 10 points, so I win!

Ky: 4
Me: 12

Honorable mention: Lily Gordon and Jessica Alba


kg. said...

1. you are nuts.
2. we need to get your vision checked out.
3. i love you.

Anna said...

WAG: Wives and Girlfriends. From your England/football-obsessed little sister, only three months late.

Cheryl Cole = second best WAG ever (after Posh, of course). Too bad her husband SUCKS.

Anna said...

Oh, and she's a singer in the band Girls Aloud and a judge on a number of reality talent shows. Hooray for knowing things that will never, EVER come in handy except for posts on your brother's blog.

TheBigTicket said...

Mike's sister in law is from England and sent me a trash rag from London with Cheryl all over it. She also sent like a brochure for Girls Aloud. What's with that ass bag of a husband of hers? Funny stuff. And you're right, Posh = #1.