Sunday, September 14, 2008

From King Carl with love

Dear Chiefs fan,

Hi there. We're glad you're up early on the west coast, ready to spend your morning hours watching professional athletes put on a show. After all, that is what we're paid to do. However, before things get complicated, we would like to take this time to specify how we define entertainment.

Today, against the Raiders, we're going to showcase our youth and depth at quarterback. Please be patient as we rotate three quaterbacks before halftime. Also, please note that our running game is still in BETA form* - but 55 total rushing yards is appropriate when your team focus is on defense, right?

Hopefully we'll have this whole winning this figured out by week 14, just enough time to slide up in the draft for next year!

Warmest regards,

Your 2008 Kansas City Chiefs

Thursday, September 4, 2008

T.O vs. Bolt or Ocho Cinco vs. Michael Phelps?

In a stunning development, it seems that Chad Ocho Cinco* and Terrell Owens feel as if they're lacking in the attention department. These two NFL ball hawks have had it up to here (insert marginally tall, imaginary line) with all the circus and celebration over Michael Phelps and Usain Bolt. What, you didn't know Chad Spanglish was a three time Charles Hadley pool champ? You didn't know Terrell "iPopcorn" Owens was faster (with a 20 yard head start) than Lightning Bolt? How foolish of you to doubt the all-world, all-everything abilities of these two NFLer's. Some say such claims are foolish. But why doubt a man who beat a horse, unfair and no where near square?

Rather than ask who would win their respective contest, I'm interested in which of these races would be more fun to watch?

I'll turn this over to the question of the week.

In classic PTI style, who ya got?

Terrell Owens vs. Usain Bolt
Chad Ocho Cinco vs. Michael Phelps

*Yes, that's right, Chad Ocho Cinco. Formerly known as Chad Johnson. When your career hits a slow spot, go Diddy or Prince and drop a "formerly known as" on them.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

You must resist the Hippie Lettuce at basketball camp

Perhaps Shady's nickname is coming into fruition. This just in from, but it seems that our KU hoop heroes Rio and Shady were given a $20,000 slap on the wrist and sent home from the NBA's rookie transition program for dabbling in some Keon Clark (marijuana, for those of you not named Red kid) . As updates keep coming in from my tightly-wound KU circle, it seems that Michael Beasley may have also been in the room. Another report states that Rio and Co. were hosting a few lady friends.

Just a guess, but I'm thinking (along with Josh Howard) that most of the NBA knows their way around a bag of green stuff. But guys, why bring a bag of the lettuce to a camp that's probably closer to a D.A.R.E convention than a night out at the Hawk? (Minus 1 for Hawk reference).

I hope this doesn't interfere too much with their respective rookie campaigns, especially with Rio being close to a starting spot.

Live and learn when to burn, fellas.